Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and I’m bringing it up in the frigging middle of January. Why? I’ll tell you -- it’s time for you to give mama (me) a big push – how? you ask, sitting on the edge of your seat. For your Valentine, to go with the chocolates and/or/both a Warrior’s t-shirt, you will be more than golden if you also get your sweetie the trade paperback of PARADOX. What’s so cool about trade rather than hardcover and the regular paperback? You’re asking, again on the edge of your seats. Besides looking extraordinarily cool, the trade PARADOX is larger, easier to read, and, frankly, you don’t have to wait another six months for the standard paperback (unless this format is your preferred delivery system for books). You can pre-order this splendid gift for your other half, a friend, a lover, and your bald tobacco-chewing neighbor you’d like to smack. All right, enough shameless self-promoting my books, at least for a month.
Vol. 003 No. 447
How about a Christmas party, how about having it today, in TWO hours with so much food your stomach will think Nirvana is right around the corner, and so many different desserts your thighs will pulse in rhythm with your chewing. Sound fantabulous? And then there’s the gazillion presents to open by you and all your friends and you can see their eyes light up at what you’ve given them (please, powers that be, big lit up eyes). And singing Christmas songs and carols. And do you know what’s going to happen say three hours after this incredible, over-the-top fun and food? The Warriors will play the Kings. Time for more prayers.
Vol. 443 No. 2
All of you know the day before Thanksgiving is the busiest travel day of the entire year and so given I was flying out-of-state, there was little hope in this heart. I was thinking cancellations, nightmare security lines, delays, maybe even a pilot strike. A miracle, both coming and going: fast, easy, smooth, on-time flights. What happened? What universe did I step into? Even airport Starbucks coffee was excellent, the only thing what wasn’t perfect was the not-warm croissants. And that always makes me wonder: how do they get the croissants to look so perfect? (Are the kiosk chefs all graduates of a French cordon bleu croissant academy?)
Vol. 667 No 992
Every three years I havea photo shoot in Los Angeles with the incomparable photographer Charles Bush. Everything went too well – like when is the other shoe going to drop? Like on-time airplanes (gasp with surprise), hotel beautiful even though the rooms were spooky dark, staff friendly, good Mexican food down Wilshire Blvd across from SAKS, everyone at the studio in top form, and ready for fun, and finally, amazingly, the L.A. traffic wasn’t any worse than usual.
Vol 345, No. 678
Guess what? It’s the Fall equinox on Saturday the 22nd. My understanding is that everyone is required to line-dance into the woods, find a clearing, build a small, safe bonfire, strip off all clothes, and do-si-do around said small, safe fire and chant full-bodied to the heavens to celebrate the changing of the seasons. This will include pleas for no more hurricanes, fires, floods and any other assorted nasty events. Everyone on board? I heard you – what sort of music? Well, line-dancing and a good romping do-si-do makes me think of Willie Nelson. That good with you?
Vol. 00 No. 99
It’s still summer, right? But it’s already happening – no more waking up with the alarm to see lovely sunshine pouring through your window. Nope, already it’s dark, dark, dark, folks, and when the alarm goes off, you think for a millisecond it must might be three a.m. I have an idea: let’s form a Morning Sunlight Savings Time (MSST), submit to Congress. Would that possibly stand for anything hinky? Maybe a new government agency? Okay, no more whining, I’ll just imagine what it would be like living in Lapland (without drugs), nearly nose-to-nose with the North Pole.